Reason #6: The Comedy that is Internet Dating

Okay, so I know it's been a while since I've posted, but for this one, boy, do I have a doozy for you. I am not proud of it, but I recently made the rash decision to join a matchmaking site and enter the world of internet dating. I joined one of those that they advertise on tv and filled out the lengthy questionnaire, and spent not a ton of time thinking about what I would make my page say about me. And I can tell you that I did not deliberate over my answers on my questionnaire, either, so this was all sort of a "let's throw it against a wall and see what sticks" kind of thought process. I signed up for one month of service and let the computer do the work for me.

And while it might not be the wisest $60 I've ever spent, it very well might turn out to be the most entertaining.

Bob* is from a small town in rural Tennessee. He really wants a nice, Christian girl. He posts two pictures of himself. The first one is of him with another girl. Now, if you are joining a matchmaking site in hopes of finding The One, do you really want to start your first impression by posing with a person of the opposite sex? (Seriously, I could write a manual on What Not to Do on Your Page.) But it's the second photo that gets me. First off, it looks like the picture was taken in a stairwell with the lighting behind the subject, so one can barely tell that this is supposed to be a photo of a man. No distinguishing features are visible whatsoever. And then the caption reads "this is a picture of me taken 12 years ago." Huh? Why are you posting a picture of you (if it's really a picture of you) from 12 years ago, especially when you're supposed to be around 30 years old, meaning this picture was taken maybe in your senior year of high school? Uh, next, please!

Then we get Tom* who is especially proud to tell you that his occupation is that of "owning my own computer business." When asked what is the one thing that Tom wishes more people would notice about him, Tom says (and this is a quote, I promise; I can't make this stuff up): "How I excel at everything I do. But I guess people notice eventually, so it's not all bad." I'm sure that Tom and his ego are going to make a beautiful couple. Next!

John* is a youth minister, and it's very important that he find someone who is as strong spiritually as he is. I'm guessing if he's making such statements, he would find my criticism of his page unholy. So we move on.

Patrick* is also a youth minister, but describes his occupation as "minister/businessman." One of the 5 things he can't live without: his Mercedes 500 SL convertible. I look back to see where he's from, and he's not from some big metropolis, but some very small town. Exactly what type of business is Patrick running part time from his youth minister duties that allow him such an extravagant car? And this is what kills me. The rest of Patrick's page leads you to believe that he's really looking for someone who will make a good minister's wife. (Aside: I will never make a good minister's wife because I can't keep my mouth shut. I summarily pass by these guys when I come across them on the site.) But if he wants a good, deep Christian girl, isn't she going to be put off by him bragging about his car? And if she isn't put off about the bragging, does that make her shallow and therefore unfit for being married to a minister? I think Patrick shot himself in the foot coming and going on that one.

These are just a few of the winners with whom this website thinks I might find true love. So I've decided that either my personality profile says that I am the world's biggest dork, or this website is punking me. Either way, I am choosing to revel in the sheer comedy of some of these matches, and am choosing to see this as yet another reason it's good to be single, because where else can you come up with such comedy?

Do you have some similar experiences with internet dating? If so, send me what you have and we'll put together a fantastic list of "Aren't You Glad You Aren't Married to THAT Guy?"

*whose name is changed to protect the innocent guy who didn't realize his matchmaking page was going to make someone's blog