Reason #3: Snoring

I am one of the lightest sleepers in the known universe. I'm not really sure why, but it's just a fact. Because of this fact, I have problems with noises that disturb my sleep--particularly snoring. Consider:

One time when I was in college, my friend, Robin, and I volunteered to lead a DiscipleNow over a weekend. Unfortunately, Robin was struggling with a sinus infection, but she was such a trooper and decided to go on the trip anyway. She and I were staying with these teenage girls in this really nice house, and the matriarch of the house graciously gave Robin and me a bedroom all to ourselves so we might be able to get a little sleep at night. (Because if you've ever done a DNow over a weekend with teenage girls, you know that sleep is a precious commodity.)

The first night, we were exhausted; particularly Robin, because she was really having some problems breathing due to the aforementioned sinus infection. Even our host mother's homemade soup, which should have been classified as some sort of chemical weapon because it was so dang hot, apparently had not even made a dent in opening up Robin's sinuses, even though I'm pretty sure it could have peeled paint off a wall. But I digress. So that night, Robin took some nighttime sinus medication and almost immediately drifted off to sleep.

Well, Light Sleeper here couldn't fall asleep so fast. The girls were still up giggling down the hall, which I expected. They finally started to quiet down, and I thought, Finally, I'm going to get some sleep here. And just as I started to drift off, I begin to hear the subtle snoring of my bedmate. Our conversations for the next 30 or so minutes went something like this:

Me: (whispering) Robin?
Robin: (snore)
Me: (a little louder this time) Robin?
Robin: (snorting awake) Huh? Whass goin' on?
Me: You're snoring.
Robin: I'm so sorry. (rolls over)

This conversation repeated itself on 2-3 occasions, and then we had this one:

Me: (no longer whispering) Robin!
Robin: (somewhat agitated) What!
Me: You're snoring again!
Robin: Well, fall asleep before me!
Me: I'm trying!!!

At this point, we both started giggling at the ridiculousness of this conversation, and I am so grateful that Robin was such a good sport because with her sinus infection, I'm sure she really didn't appreciate me continuing to wake her up. It's a wonder of all wonders that we remained friends after that night. (And I should note that Robin and I have spent the night together many times, and this was the only time this happened--she's not a habitual snorer.)

But this story just goes to illustrate my point: I cannot tolerate snorers. I don't mean to be rude about it; it's just that this girl is a Grumpy Gus if she doesn't get a full night's sleep (as many of you can attest to), and this, coupled with my tendency to be a light sleeper makes for a dangerous combination whenever I've had to share a bed/room with someone who has breathing issues at night.

I am deeply concerned about this when it comes to thinking about marriage. I have this utter fear that I am going to meet the most wonderful man, fall in love, get married, and discover that he needs to go on some sort of CPAP machine to deal with his uncontrollable snoring. I wonder if I can slip some sort of contract exclusion like this into my marriage vows: "I promise to love, honor, cherish . . . in sickness and in health . . . 'til death do us part--unless it is discovered that you snore, at which time this marriage contract is null and void." How do you think that would go over?

So the next time that you wake up from a great night of undisturbed sleep, think about Reason #3 why it's good to be single.